Philippians 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice.
Before I sat down to write this blog, I took a moment to reflect on the last few months of my life. I read over the very first blog I posted. Emotions poured through me as I thought back to the moment I heard the word Cancer. In the beginning we were not told what kind or given any indication of what the next few months of our lives would hold. My heart ached that first night not knowing if I would see my children grow up. Tears poured for hours as I contemplated the news and what the future on this earth looked like for me. My heart is overwhelmed with gratitude as I think back to all the wonderful people, too many to name, who rallied around us. From financial support, ongoing prayers, care givers that came to my house to help ease the burden of taking care of my five children and all that it entails, dinners galore and there is so much more that would take days to write! But to sum it up, we were taken care of during this season beyond any expectation we had!
In the beginning of this journey I cried out to the Lord Why? Why me? Why now? I had just given birth to my fifth child and was already feeling like my life was consumed with so much responsibility already. It was still so surreal I didn’t feel any different besides the lump. Like many people I am sure I felt like I was a good person and did not deserve this type of news. I felt like I was being punished like a bad dream. I had dedicated my life to Christ five years prior to this and though far from perfect I since then had been trying to do my best to grow and serve him on a daily basis. I was angry I felt like I was in bible terms ‘Reaping something I hadn’t sown.’ It was during this heart wrenching moment God clearly spoke many words of comfort to me! Along with this blog I kept a personal journal of this experience. I wrote in there the promises I was given and knew one day I would share. They were substantial to me in the heat of this battle. I used them to remind of God’s goodness. When I doubted I went back to them. You see when my lump first appeared before we knew anything I was praying and asking God what it was and please just take care of it. He told clear as day “My child it is going to get very scary, but I will be with you, and you will be safe.” I honestly did not understand this word especially after the original diagnosis was hyperthyroidism. Little did I know I was being prepared as well as encouraged for the future and how much this promise meant to me for months! He told me that I would come through this before I even knew cancer was on the table! Once we found out the diagnosis the first few days were rough and it was in those very first days I was crying out and describing my thought process that I spoke of earlier fear, anger, doubt he told me again very clearly ‘You will be healed and that this was happening for His glory. I would get to share my testimony to many people through this trial’ This was not just a one time thing, this promise he spoke many times to me in the first few weeks before any fear or doubt could creep in he constantly said ‘You will be healed, you will be healed, you will be healed.’ After the initial fear and after this promise was spoken (several days after diagnosis) I had such a peace I did not fear that this was the end for me I knew be healed. I was apprehensive of the process that I was going to go through. Because he also told me at this point to prepare myself, because for Him to receive the most glory from my journey that it would have to be the full deal. I am going to share the entry from my journal after this was given to me.
August 27, 2018 (Day before I began Chemo)
I am called according to HIS purpose to walk through this season of life to glorify his name and I am overwhelmed by the honor the Lord has bestowed on me. He is my redeemer. He is my fortress. He is my source of peace. I will do the real deal (hair loss and everything) Whatever is necessary for His Glory to be shown the most!
I am now sitting on the other end of this season. I am sure by know many of you know I was told December 19, 2018 That I was in remission. That there was no cancer anywhere in my body that the chances of it coming back was 90/95% (Though I know it is 100%) God was and is faithful. He is not a liar and though there were dark and discouraging times. I am here today loving and living life!
I am so thankful for my personal relationship with Christ he is real and if anyone ever asked me how I can believe in an invisible God the answer is so clear to me. He speaks to me and those things happen. I cannot make them up. The peace and comfort I received on this journey was too real to be anything I could’ve accomplished or created on my own. If you followed my blog you know I had ups and downs. But every time I was at my lowest something would always happen a phone call, someone sending me a message, or a song that pertained to exactly what I was dealing with. I am not a survivor without HIM I would not have made it without the direction and care of my Father. Being in his hands is the only thing that got me through.
Romans 8:2 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called to his purpose.
This was the verse of my first blog. Though I knew it was not going to be fun I trusted God would work out the details to get me to his promise. He was faithful every single moment he spoke many things to me and was best friend my go to for all my issues. And in the few moments I allowed doubt to come over me immediately he direct me right back to him! I told the Lord in the beginning that if but one person could be saved through my experience it would be worth it! I still believe that and would walk it again for the same outcome!
I know all of us face difficulties in this life. Many seem to take so much energy from us it impossible to find complete joy or happiness in living. Overwhelmed with responsibility, raising a family, bad work enviroment, depression, divorce, hurt from others that you cannot seem to get over, debt, disease, etc. Some of you probably are probably facing more than one of these things. I want to encourage you to not face it! You don’t have too!
John 16:33 I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. IN THIS WORLD YOU WILL HAVE TROUBLE. but take heart! I have overcome the world.
I wish I had time to share with you the day I called out asking him if he was real, and if he was…. to show up. But that story will have to be for another day. Just know the second I called genuinelyasking him to reveal himself, because what I was facing I knew I could not on my own. He did in such a big a way, I have never questioned his existence since. And my life was forever changed. I am confident if you are hurting, in crisis, or just lost at this point in your life. All you need to do is stop right now cry out to him! Ask him to show himself to you! Ask him if he’s real and if he is let you know! And he will!
I promise he will carry you through anything that you are facing and you will know for yourself!
I would love to connect with any of you, and would love to hear how God is encouraging you in your life! Again I want to thank everyone who has stood by us during these last few months! You were the army God provided to battle alongside us and for that I am forever grateful!