Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Well the last two weeks have flown by. I almost feel like I have a due date without that nesting energy. Knowing that chemotherapy would be starting August 29th I felt I had a lot to do prepare. I had several close friends come to visit with me for the first few days after being diagnosed. This was such a blessing really keeping my mind off the future and what was to come! Then as the days progressed I began to get focused and what I felt I would need to get done to organize my home and prepare my family incase Mommy went down for the count for several months. My family troop really chipped in and made this happen. My mom, mother in law, Tim’s Aunt all came out one day. One watched the kiddos. Another cleaned the house. And finally, to make it easier on Daddy or the Grandmas that are helping with laundry we rearranged, put away, clothing and labeled all the girls’ dressers and prepped for season change. Seriously, a girl could get used to this!!!!
Midweek on August 22nd we headed back down to Iowa City for some more testing. First, I was scheduled to have an Echo ultrasound to ensure my heart was in position to handle chemo. Then I had a PET scan to determine what stage of lymphoma I had. All these things are so foreign to me, so I am learning as I am going. Staging has to do with where else and how much more cancer found in your body through this test. We were told the doctor would call us with the results on Friday. So, we went home to wait again. I was slightly anxious as I was getting used to be given bad news by the doctor and expected to have a high stage. Every ache or soreness I felt in my body made me question is there cancer there too? Where else are they going to find it? But once again I felt that small still voice reminding me that stage does not matter. My hope is in the Lord! and so here I go again back to waiting and trusting game (Which by the way I am getting very good at 😉.)
Thursday I was able to have dinner with a friend who has gone through a similar situation. God is so amazing the way he places people in your life in different seasons. I was so grateful to have someone to ask questions and relate too!
Friday we again had the family troop out. Man you can get so much done when you do not have to stop and tend to a child every five minutes! We were able to prep the rest of the house and yard the way we planned before C-Day. Our entire family has rallied together and just blessed the socks off us! Words cannot express the emotional, physical, spiritual support both Tim and my family has been through this time!!! Well later that afternoon we received the call from our doctor. He told us that the cancer is spreading from my neck upwards and downwards in my chest. My lungs, bone marrow, liver groin lymph nodes all looked good! He would stage me at a 2 and we would proceed with starting chemotherapy on the following Wednesday. He was thinking more like 6-8 rounds since it has begun spreading. And no radiation. I thanked him and told him, I feel really good about this and you have made my day!’ His reply, ‘Well I will not feel good about this until I clear you in five years.’ My response, Well I am a Christian and I believe all things work together for Good to those who love the Lord, so DR. L I believe good will come from this!’ He paused and said, Well I am glad I can be apart of it’…in his best trying not to talk to her like she’s a crazy person voice. But that’s okay I am confident God has a purpose in this! As we hung up the phone Tim, my family troop and I rejoiced together with the news of me being a stage 2! Oh, my heart is great and good to go, but I was really worried about that one.
So here we are the night before I begin chemotherapy the weekend went well! I kept busy making schedules, rule and chores lists, rewards and consequences charts, (so the littles know they cannot bamboozle people helping take care of them) spending time with Mommy boxes (So if I do not feel well I will not have to put much thought or effort into ways to spend time together they are already there ready to go.) I feel like a teacher again going on extended leave making sub plans! Hoping and praying that I have done enough to ensure my home will not fall apart and run smoothly with me not functioning at capacity.
Then today I began to reflect. The verse I referenced at the beginning of the blog was one someone shared with me this week. I really began to think. I absolutely trust in the Lord and have put my faith in him for the long haul of this journey, but the last week and half as I have been major prepping I realized I had rushed around so much thinking I had to get everything done and ready, but really, I was allowing my control freak nature to take over. This is how I could control my situation if I kept myself busy not thinking about what’s to come I am not scared I have too much to do to allow myself to be anxious. I do not need to pray about I am too busy to allow myself to think about it! And as I sit here about to go to bed to rise tomorrow to face the unknown to begin what many have said will be the most difficult days of my life, fear is knocking at my door! I am so humbled by what God has shown me though prepping, planning keeping busy is not a bad thing, BUT it will truly not keep out the fear and anxiety. Only by prayer and petitioning with thanksgiving and presenting my requests to the Lord will I be filled with a peace that is indescribable that will guard my heart and mind. So as C-Day has finally arrived with nothing left to prep or plan. I can rest assured that when fear, doubt, anxiety tries to creep in my Savior is whom I need and WILL rely on!
Incase I am unable to blog for a few days or more I really want to thank everyone who has connected with me one way or another! I truly believe the outpouring and support I received through this has helped me stay so positive! Your prayers have kept the enemy from getting into my head telling me lies or bringing on doubt from what God has promised me! God did not supply me with one troop for this battle he prepared an army for me and each one of you that has kept my family in your prayers, thoughts and offered help I feel is part of this army and for that I am so thankful for each one of you!!!!